Having self confidence helps us grow as a person by testing our limits and then encouraging us to move past them. This pushes us to our fullest potential in life where success, happiness, and self fulfillment lies.
What is self confidence?
Self confidence is trusting and believing in yourself, your abilities, and your decisions. It is an inner knowing that you are on the right path in life and it is also a reassurance that all is right in YOUR world.
Why do we need self confidence?
We need self confidence to face and overcome fear and adversity; to move forward in life and accomplish our goals. Without it, we are stuck in one place, stagnant, and unable to fulfill our life’s purpose.
But why is it that self confidence is so hard to find? And once you find self confidence, why is it so hard to maintain? In my experience, a lack of self confidence comes from these 4 feelings and emotions:
4 Reasons why you lack self confidence
Comparison. Comparison to others is a trap that will suck you in fast. But it’s so hard to avoid because we are constantly consuming the lifestyles of others on social media and the internet. And with no filters or subconscious beliefs telling us not to do that, we immediately start the comparison game, which then brings all our insecurities and lack to the forefront of our minds. And once those thoughts of lack and insecurity take over our minds, our self confidence then starts to fall, making this one of the top reasons why we lose confidence, or trust, in ourselves.
Scarcity and lack. Every person on this earth was born into a different set of circumstances. Circumstances change as time goes on but what stays the same is that everyone will always have different circumstances and each person will respond to their circumstances differently. Some will rise above them and create amazing lives for themselves, but a lot of the time, people will use their circumstances as excuses to stay stuck. This is because their feelings about their said circumstances are manifesting themselves into a feeling of scarcity and lack.
Having a mindset of scarcity and lack makes it hard to be confident in oneself because there is no trust in the universal abundance that is always available to everyone. If your mindset is that money will always run out then you simply cannot be confident that more money will always come to you. But is it not true, that you have always found a way to get more money one way or the other? Food for thought…
Fear of judgment. We’ve all heard the saying “only God can judge me” and the line that goes “I don’t care what anyone thinks,” right?? But really deep down inside I think we actually do care what people think AND we are afraid of judgment because let’s face it, EVERYONE IS DOING IT! We are judgy people thru and thru. We literally judge people, places, and experiences all day long. It’s like it is in our DNA or something. So naturally, because we are always judging, we know darn good and well that if we put ourselves out there, we are going to be judged too! And that is a scary thought, so much so that it kills our confidence quick and easy!
Lack of self awareness. Do you know what your strengths and weaknesses are? This is about knowing what you are good at and what you are not good at, because knowing these attributes can tell you where your self confidence lies. In middle school, I tried every sport that was available to me and I quickly found that I was bad at all of them! Therefore being athletic is not one of my strengths and that tells me that I cannot be confident in my abilities if I am ever asked to join a charity baseball team.
But if I am ever asked to write the community newsletter for my neighborhood, I’ll know with total certainty that I can knock that out of the park. Because even though I am bad at sports, I am great at writing and this is where my self confidence lies. Many people do not know these things about themselves, do you?
So now that you are aware of what self confidence is, why self confidence is so important, and why self confidence can be hard to find, I want to show you how you can not only boost your self confidence but also maintain it for the long haul.
Related: The Best Tips For Self Improvement
7 Mindset Hacks For Boosting Self Confidence
I believe that these 7 ways to boost your confidence will help you on a deeper level because they are not just surface stuff like losing weight and buying better clothes. These confidence building exercises will help you to rewire your brain and change your whole mindset on what it means to be the confident badass babe that you are! Let’s get started!
Remove your doubt that you can succeed
Whatever it is in life that you desire to be successful in, whether it be in relationships, business, finances, etc, you must remove doubt that you can make it happen. If you don’t you are confusing the Universe about what it is that you truly want. Because that is how this works.
The Universe will give you all that you desire, once you decide. But if there is any doubt in those desires, you are presenting the Universe with two different things: A desire and a doubt. A receiving and a resistance. And you simply cannot have both.
The Law of Attractions says that like attracts like and what you focus on in your mind will become your reality. But don’t get it confused here, lack of clarity and DOUBT often stops the law of attraction dead in its tracks, which is why many people don’t believe it works.
Trust me it does work but as I said, the process gets interrupted when doubt and other negative desires come up. So if you are having doubts about your capability to succeed, first and foremost know that those doubts are most likely fear and resistance rising up.
Secondly, you must let those doubts go and focus only on succeeding even if you don’t know how it can possibly happen. The how is not your job, only the continued focus on your desire is.
Seek out the truth for yourself
When you first came into the world you were just an infant with no prior belief systems or negative thoughts that could sabotage you in any way. But shortly after that, your parents, teachers, and mentors started filling your mind with their own belief systems and rules of life. Not to harm you but to protect you and teach you how the world works.
But let’s say you were born into a cult that believed that the air was unbreathable and they made you wear an astronaut helmet everywhere you went. That belief was given to you to protect you but there’s no denying that wearing an astronaut helmet will limit you from many things.
Now, that’s just a story I made up but belief systems and even rules are just like that sometimes. Meaning they are not actually the real truth, your truth. But because they were told to us by people who are important to us, we take these rules and beliefs at face value and we make them our own.
But a lot of the times those beliefs have been passed down for generations and most likely have nothing to do with you. This is where you must take a step back and ask yourself do I really believe this to be true? Is this my belief or was it given to me? Is this belief even real?
For example, you might see the CEO of a company and think to yourself “man I could never do that.” Well, why not? Who told you that you couldn’t? Did you tell yourself that?
If you did, how can you know for sure if you have never been a CEO before? Saying that you cannot is just a limiting belief that you are placing on yourself.
If you want to improve your self confidence, take a look at your belief systems, life rules, and values. They may be contributing to your lack of self confidence in a big way.
Focus only on what you can control
If you really sat back to think about all the drama and stress in your life I can almost guarantee that so much of it was based on things that were not in your control. And if these things are not in your control and there is nothing you can do about them, what is the point of focusing on them?
I once spent a whole summer stressing about my past; beating myself up over things that were no longer in my control. Then there was that one time I had a full blown anxiety attack because I thought I was going to die. Again dying is something not in my control. I mean I can try not to die but ultimately that is in God’s hands, not mine.
You see, focusing on those things kept me from the present moment, and because I was not present I couldn’t see all the blessings and opportunities I had in front of me. Leaving me uncertain about myself, my capabilities, and my future. In other words, NOT CONFIDENT.
Do you see how focusing on things out of my control leads me to a lack of self confidence? A much better option would be to focus only on what we can control. And something that was huge for me was learning to control my response to things and situations out of my control. Because that’s all you really have control over when these situations arise.
Trust me I know this can be hard, especially if you are a control freak like me. But trying to focus on what is out of your hands is an uphill battle and one you most likely will never win.
But if you want to be confident in your decisions, take the high road and focus only on what you can control. It’s much better this way…
Surround yourself with better people
Upgrade your friend list! If the current group of friends you have doesn’t inspire you to be better, do better, and are in the arena getting their ass kicked with you, then it is time for an upgrade.
If you are looking to uplevel your life these types of friends will help you get there because they are on the same wavelength and most likely the same vibration as you are. They will also understand your struggle and will be able to give you honest feedback if needed.
Now you might say “how can I just ditch my friends when they have done nothing wrong to me?” And I get that and I am not saying you have to cut them off completely and never speak to them again. I am just saying get out of your circle, venture out into the unknown and meet new people.
If this is making you feel “some type of way”, then it’s likely you are surrounded by low level, low vibing people and you know it! Maybe they haven’t hurt you outright but being around low level people keeps your level low too!
And when you are trying to up level your life and find the self confidence to do so, you need to get away from that low level energy.
Energy is sticky and contagious. Surround yourself with better high vibing energy and your energy (and self confidence) will reap the benefits.
Find the message in your mess
In the last 6 months of 2016, I was on a downward spiral, one that would lead me right to rock bottom. Prior to that, I was living the fast life with no mindfulness of the present and no connection to who I really was.
Mix that with drugs and alcohol and it was a recipe for a total mental breakdown. Which is what happened and to be honest I am so grateful for all of it. Because in the midst of all that mess and the struggle to find my way out of it, God showed me many many things.
Two of which became my life’s purpose and the message that I needed to receive one way or the other. And because I have always been so stubborn, God knew he was gonna have to break me to make that message crystal clear. (thank you, God)
In life, there are always going to be obstacles and bumps in the road. And a lot of the time life is gonna seem so unfair. But if you can seek the lessons in what those obstacles are trying to show you, you will soon find out that those obstacles are just detours in the right direction.
So if your lack of self confidence is coming from messy situations and life circumstances, try and figure out what life is trying to teach you. This is growth in its purest form baby.
Follow your bliss
You can become really confident in all your decisions if you can learn to tune into your intuition and always find what feels good. Your intuition, that gut feeling or inner knowing, will never lead you in the wrong direction.
The hard part is tuning into it because the ego sometimes gets in the way. Your ego will always try to keep you safe one way or the other. But sometimes safe is also stuck and stagnant right where you are at.
There’s no moving forward with the ego because moving forward is scary but staying here is safe. That is how the ego thinks. But the intuition knows better. The intuition pushes you outside your comfort zone because it knows this will lead you to your highest good.
You can tell the two apart by paying attention to the feeling behind the thought. Let’s say you have a dream to start a business. The first voice in your head will most likely be your ego and will sound like this: “I could never do that! What will my friends think? I’ll probably just fail at it”
What are the feelings behind these thoughts?? FEAR AND DOUBT
And how do they feel?? NOT GOOD
The second voice in your head will probably be your intuition and it will sound like this: “That’s gonna be a lot of hard work but I am excited to do it. It might take a while to get going but once I’m there I’ll have so much freedom and more money.”
What are the feelings behind these thoughts? Excitement and joy with a little bit of fear. But it’s the good kind of fear that feels like butterflies in your stomach! And these are the feelings you want to follow.
Learning to follow your good feelings and thoughts around decisions and choices can quickly boost your self confidence. More importantly, they will never lead you wrong!
For more on tuning into your intuition check out: Intuition vs Ego: How To Tell The Difference
Consistency is the key to accomplishing any goal. To get to the finish line you have to keep showing up, day after day, and do the hard work. If you don’t have consistency you won’t make much progress.
For me, committing to consistency was a game changer. Not only for my business but also for my mental health. Getting out of that rock bottom place I was in wasn’t an overnight thing.
It took many many months of consistent inner work and healing and with each day things would get a tiny bit better. And that tiny bit of improvement was motivating and it kept me moving forward.
I think progress of any kind is motivating for everyone at some point and with that motivation comes a boost in self confidence, even if it’s a tiny one. But in order to have progress, you must have consistency. Daily action that will lead you to your goal.
So keep showing up for yourself, you deserve it.
Self confidence is something that can be hard to find for everyone, so please know that you are not alone in this struggle. Everyone struggles with finding confidence every now and then but I hope after reading these mindset hacks for boosting self confidence you find it much easier to be confident in your everyday life.